Rest in Peace Kyle

I found out this evening that Kyle, who was a young, enthusiastic probation officer in Glenwood Springs in 1990's, died in January. He was 39, with two young children. Kyle was recognized as Probation officer of the year in 2004; he loved his work and really made a difference in people's lives- his defendants, coworkers, friends and family. The sadness I feel right now is huge, I can't imagine how hard it is for his parents. I keep thinking about watching him grow and develop as a PO, and I admired his dedication and zeal. Probation is a tough job, you often see the same people come through the system over and over, and wonder if they'll ever get their life together. We become jaded, hardened and cynical- it's a survival skill really. But Kyle worked hard to help defendant's overcome the problems they were having, and believed in a person's ability to change their life. I haven't seen him in years, but he was the type of person that leaves a mark, and he will be missed. May God bless you, and all of your family Kyle.

Existential fibromyalgia

Here's my quandary- how do I find acceptance for my physical health without giving in to the pain? I think one of the reasons my fibromyalgia became disabling was that I just pushed through the pain for years, ignoring the cumulative affects it was having on me. I had things to do, by darn! For the most part it was a careful balancing act to continue working, caring for a family and still having a life.

All that came crashing down in 2004, when my body said 'Enough'! and just shut down, for the most part. Everything I had ignored for years demanded attention, and I realized the stress of being a probation officer and having my Mother-in-law live with us was too much. She was becoming more frail, and I was constantly concerned that she would fall while David and I were gone. The idea of her laying there for hours before one of us came home was very, very stressful. She was falling quite often, which created the concern. To her credit, she had the most graceful and gentle falls I'd ever seen. When she realized she had lost her balance, she would grab something solid and carefully crumple to the ground, so no broken bones. Nevertheless, the situation would not improve, only continue to deteriorate, hence the worry and concern for her safety.

Several therapist friends and the therapist I saw for a while have all said that it's important for me to honor my body and come to accept that fibro is part of my life. That sounds like a good idea, but in my mind it sounds more like giving in to the illness, and I'm not willing to do that. So every day I get out of bed, somedays much slower and later than others. I force myself to do something useful every day, even if it's just to clean out the dishwasher. One of the joys I have is doing genealogy research, it serves two purposes. One is the satisfaction of finding my family and bringing back their lives through compiling their history and preserving it for generations to come. The second is that I can do research at home, in my recliner, by computer. So even if I can't move, if my head is clear enough to think, then I can provide some service for my famly.

I do not have an answer to my question; finding acceptance of my physical limitations without giving in to the pain. I know that for me, it's best not to dwell on the pain very much or very often. Focusing on it, or even paying attention to it, brings an awareness of every joint, every vertebra in stark, acute pain. What's the point in that? So, somehow I need to be accepting, acknowledge the pain in me without giving in to it. Huh, that takes some more work...

Taxation fixation

We had a visitor yesterday, my sister Debbie came through on business. She worked on taxes here all afternoon, had a quick dinner before working on into the night, until 10:30. This time of year is crazy for her, so it was nice to get to see her at all, even though it was for business. She often works 12-14 hours a day this time of year, I don't' know how she does it. This morning she was off to St. Johns for the busiest weekend of her year. Hang in there Deb!

Today has been beautiful! it was in the high 60's all day, and gave me a little spring fever. My little winter garden is doing well, we've picked lettuce a few times, and the broccoli is coming along nicely. They all have heads on them, but none are big enough to pick yet. I think I have some cabbage and collards too, but they aren't big enough to tell them apart yet. Once it warms up after all this rain they'll really take off.

It feels like there may be a storm coming tonight, we'll see. I've been sluggish all day, even though it's so nice out. I let the chickens out into the front yard this afternoon, they are running around looking for bugs and greens, having a blast. I have to cover the row with the lettuce and stuff in it, or they'll pick it clean, but it's nice to have them scavenging bugs out there. I'm getting 3-4 eggs daily now, and I think I'll pick up a few more hens to round out the flock.

What a Storm!!!

Wow, we really had a screaming storm this week. We had a nice steady rain most of the week, however we woke up to a beautiful snow yesterday am, but then it switched to rain. Yesterday was the worst, we had to dig a ditch around the back porch to keep it from getting flooded. We routed all the water down into the garden, and then had an overflow into the big juniper tree and flower bed below the garden. It was raining steadily, so we were pretty drenched by the time it was thru.

It was after that I noticed we had a leak in the front room, water was literally running down the north wall. David was out of town, but luckily Nic was here, so he helped me dig the ditches and then he and Norm climbed up on the roof, dragging a huge black plastic sheet. The wind kicked up while they were covering the roof, so it was a pretty crazy time up there. I could here the thumping and banging as they struggled to set the plastic, and hold it down with bricks and pallets. It worked, the leaking stopped, and now we have to figure out how to fix the roof. We just had it redone last winter, so it's probably someplace the flashing isn't set right or something. Auugh!

My silly chickens didn't have the sense to get out of the rain, so they were pretty soggy by the end of the day. Gina helped me run them into the hutch about 5 pm, their feathers were soaked, they looked sopping wet, but they didn't want to go it, until I put some goodies in there to eat. Stupid chickens!

We probably got 3 inches or rain over the past few days, maybe that much just yesterday, who knows? At least we are high ground and didn't have to evacuate. People close to the Verde river and Oak creek were encouraged to get out yesterday, and they are supposed to peak at above flood level tonight. I won't complain, we sure need the moisture. Maybe this is the year the drought will finally ease up.

Finally, Christmas Pictures

I'm so slow, I just downloaded my pics from Christmas, and here's a few. So exciting, it's raining here, and supposed to rain all week! For Arizona, that's such good news. We'll be sick of it by the weekend, but we need all the moisture we can get.

Several of the chickens are laying now, we're getting 2-3 a day. doesn't sound like much, but it adds up. Mom's going to give me a few of her hens too, when they're a little bigger. Hopefully I'll get enough to sell some to the neighbors, there are a couple people that want fresh eggs.

Not much going on, we've been sick for the past week, I've had a sinus infection from he--. That and the weather has put me in bed for days at a time, I hate that! I'm about ready to take the Christmas decorations down, I like them and don't get in a hurry. The tree is naked again, waiting to go back in the box. I took all the ornaments and decorations off on Sunday afternoon. There are still ornaments that the kids made in grade school- my favorites. When they get their own places and settled more, I plan to give them the ones they made, but for now I get to keep them. I love the Nativity set, and that is usually the last thing put away.

I spent a bunch of money at the local yarn shop, up in Jerome. Knit 1, Bead 2 has such beautiful yarns! The plan was to buy some sock yarn for my niece for her birthday, but of course I couldn't leave without some yarn for me too. and a yarn winder, to create balls of yarn that pull from the center- much easier to work with than a hank of yarn. The bad thing is, when I took the car in for an oil change today, I ended up with bigger problems- the battery was very corroded and had to be replaced. I realized when they showed it to me that I hadn't looked under the hood for months, so I had no idea! My little red car is at 67,000 miles, so I also have to get the timing belt replaced. $$$$$ Why does it always happen in the winter, and after we've spent a wad on Christmas? At least we didn't charge anything for Xmas, but still. Well, at least I have a good car, and it's paid for, so maintenance is a small price to pay.