Crippled and Crabby

I have a pretty boring life I guess, at least today I feel pretty blah. Thursday I had a doctor's appt. in Phoenix to review my State disability claim. The Dr. talked to me for a while, I gave them a print-out with my surgeries, scripts, medical history, etc. (I know! I was so organized that I had it already on my computer, I just had to update a few things.) Then he put me through the wringer! Had me walk toward and away from him, touch my toes, not too difficult, but the worst was yet to come. He had to poke and prod every fibromyalgia trigger-point, there are about 21 of them. By the time we finished I could barely walk out of the office, and I've been crippled up ever since. I was sure glad David drove me down and back, because I'd never have made it by myself.

The worst is the waiting- I have no idea how long it will take him to send in the paperwork, or what his assessment will be. As much as I'd love to go back to work, that's just a pipe dream; I can't work 25 hours a week, let alone 40. Knowing that is depressing as hell, living it is a little bit worse.

I had a friend tell me the other day that just because I'm on disability doesn't mean I have to live miserably. We were talking about how careful I need to be with the energy I have. For instance, I took it really easy on Tuesday and Wednesday before the Dr. appt, because I knew that traveling and being at the doctor's would take all day, and I wouldn't make it if I did anything the day before. She said "It's OK to use the energy you have to do things that bring joy." That was a great thought! Yes, there is still laundry and housework to do, but don't use all your energy to do the 'have to's', save a little energy to do the fun stuff too. I think that applies to all of us, not just me.