Quiet after Christmas

We had Christmas on Saturday and Sunday, so yesterday was a nice quiet day. It's the first time we haven't all been together on Christmas though, that was hard to adjust to. Everyone had to work Monday and Wednesday, and Dakota came over on Saturday for her Christmas, so we decided to have ours over the weekend too. Heather stayed here, that made it easier for me. I enjoyed reading the Christmas verses in the New Testament with her.

My family can be happy to know that I didn't let any skeletons out of the closet during my interview with channel 8! They primarily wanted to know about Prescott in the 1970's, and some of the important issues of the day. It was fun, we were there nearly 2 hours. Heather got to be in the control room to watch, and the interviewer sat off screen. Who knows what it will look like, but hopefully I'll get a little time on the program when they are through editing and cutting. We went shopping afterwards, at the Arizona Mills center. Heather found an Ann Taylor store there, and I found Burlington coat factory. Unfortunately I didn't just pick up a coat there, I caught a pretty bad cold too. We were standing in line with 900 other people, and I kept thinking that wasn't a good idea, my stamina is still pretty lousy. Today I slept most of the day, and I'm feeling better today. We won't make it to Maricopa this weekend though, and I'm sad about that. Most of the family is going to Mom's to help build an addition on her place, and I was looking forward to seeing everyone and helping out a little. But, hopefully she can get a lot done, and we'll go down another weekend to help with the interior.

I am a star!

Okay, so not yet, but I have been asked to tape an interview with PBS Arizona, so can fame be farr behind? Channel 8 asked for input on a 1970's feature they are creating, so I wrote this-

'I was a cowgirl, and I loved going to the Prescott Rodeo in July. My dad always worked the livestock pens, and we often were back there helping. As a young girl, it was scary to deal with the big bulls, moving them from one corral to the chutes, watching them crash into the fences, bending the wooden fences nearly over before they even met the cowboy that would ride them, or get bucked off. We went to many ropings around northern Arizona- Prescott, Kirkland, Cottonwood, Cornville, Dewey. Mormon Lake was the best, there was usually a dance after the rodeo, and everyone went, from the grandparents to the little kids. We were very involved with the 4 of July celebrations in Prescott, we usually entered the kids parade when we were small. As we grew up, our church had a booth on the Prescott square- my Mom made the best bread, and we sold fresh bread or sopapillas with butter and honey. After the rodeo, the highlight of the week for me was the street dance. It spanned Whiskey Row, which was closed completely, and had a band at one end. Thousands of people were there, and it was the greatest thing for we small town hicks! As a teenager, it was cool to drive over the hill to Jerome to people watch. At the time, the hippie communes were in full force, with very creative people selling art, ceramics etc. It was great fun to sit on the steps and watch people, lots and lots of hippies in psychedelic shirts or long, prairie skirts with hiking boots. I was too young to go into the Spirit Room, but the music and the bikers were usually spilling out into the streets. '

How surprised was I when they called last week, telling me they liked my story, and did I have photos or videos too? Then Marissa asked if I'd be willing to come down to Tempe and be interviewed on camera. What can I say, my public is waiting..... ha ha! Heather promised she'd drive me down if I'll go to Ann Taylor's with her later. Gee, tough decision, huh? I'll let you know how it really goes- I'll be attacked by the shy's, and get all nervous on camera. After all, I still see myself as young, like I was in the 70's, but the camera will see a 50+ year old woman with too many years and miles behind her. Oh so what, I don't care. I love an audience, even if it's a fisheyed camera instead of people. At least Heather will be there with me for moral support. Wish me luck!

Baby, it's coooold outside!

Okay, I moved to Cottonwood AZ because it's warm. And granted, this past summer was really, really warm, kinda like hellish- days, weeks maybe, over 110 degrees. But today, it actually felt like winter here- I don't think it was above 45 degrees, with a bitter wind. I actually had to wear a coat and gloves... It reminded me of Colorado this time of year! Flagstaff has snow, lots of it, the ski resort opened this week, and it was 2 degrees yesterday morning at 8. Hard to believe it's only 50 miles away. Most of the time we get into the 60-70's during most of the winter, so this week is an arctic blast... at least for desert rats like me.

When we moved here in 1999, I had finally grown tired of winter in the Rockies. We moved to Colorado from Arizona in 1982, the same year that John Elway was drafted by the Broncos. I know that because that was the only thing on the news for 3 months after we moved there. Coloradans are crazy about their Broncos... Anyhow, we moved from Phoenix to Parachute, yes that's really a town. It was over a hundred degrees by June in Phoenix, and then all summer the Coloradans I knew were whining when the weather got 'hot', all of 85 degrees!

I laughed this week when Flagstaff cancelled school after 6 inches of snow overnight. In the 17 years we lived in Colorado, they NEVER CANCELLED SCHOOL! There were a few snow days, but no cancellations. I remember driving school bus, after a huge snowstorm, with snow still falling, pushing 4-6 inches of snow on a dirt road, but we had to keep going. They did start school later that day, but scoffed at the idea of cancelling it. I loved the snow and cold weather for years, I grew up in the mountains, it wasn't new to me, but the mountains there are so much greater than anything in Arizona. I miss the mountains, and I miss watching it snow, and the kids having snowball fights, coming in soaking wet and freezing, the winds howling down the canyon, wait, I guess I don't miss it all, but I love watching it snow! It makes it feel more like Christmas somehow.

Deck the Halls

Well, I'm in full Christmas mode. Usually I enjoy making gifts for family and friends, then thoughtfully buying gifts for family and a few friends. Then of course there's the Christmas letter, although mine often becomes a New Years letter, just can't get everything done at the same time. With the kids all grown up and moved away, I end up decorating the house and tree alone. David will bring the tree in, but doesn't care to decorate. I enjoy it, though. I still have the ornaments the kids made in grade school. That's been 15 years, about, but I love them and fix them when they break or the glue finally stops working. I figure that I'll give them to each child when they start having a big tree themselves. Right now Heather puts up a little tree, but I don't think Nic and Jared do. A few more years and they'll be ready.

This year is so different. I haven't really made any gifts, and don't feel good enough to do any baking. I like to make candy, banana and other fruit breads. No, I don't do fruitcakes. I never liked them, and figure other than doorstops they don't get used much. I may make fudge, but probably not other candies. Darn, I love that part!

Decorating- I don't know how much will happen. David will set up the tree, so I can decorate, but other than the Nativity set and stockings, who knows? Now the stockings, I made them a few years ago, nice big crocheted stockings. Then I made Grandma Farr one when she moved in with us.

As for gifts, thank goodness for the internet! I've been able to get everyone's gifts ordered, and sent to my siblings out of town. I'm trying to follow my own advice, and keep it simple, but we always spend more on the kids than we originally planned. At least we pay for everything, and while we use a credit card, we pay off the balance, so we're not paying for Christmas all year. I'm grateful we can have a nice Christmas, and we help others have a better one too.

So it is Christmas

I'm watching a segment on Nightline about a man that preaches against consumerism at Christmas. He's pretty flamboyant, but I think he has a great point. We have allowed the merchants and businesses to hijack Christmas. First they took the gentle art of gift giving to an all out orgy of buying. There is a bigger diamond, a newer tech-toy, a cooler set of clothing. Then they took Christ out of the holiday. Non-christians have pressured businesses to remove any christian themes, leaving us with Santa Claus and snowmen. I was thrilled to see an ad by Sanderson farms that actually used the song 'Noel', and even had a bold "Merry Christmas" at the end. While it is still advertising, at least they aren't allowing political/social correctness to keep them from acknowledging what we all know- Christmas is about Christ, and gratitude.

I am all for including other holidays in our gratitude and acknowledgement, but let's don't leave out Christ, please. We are a Christian nation, founded on Judeo/Christian values, and I'm sick of having that removed from our public conscousness. I would never try to force my religion on another person, but I don't want religion taken out of the identity of this nation. Let's all respect one another's beliefs, and be tolerant of ideas that are different from our own. Respectful, but we shouldn't abandon our heritage out of pressure.

My hope for each of us, as we plunge into the Christmas season, is that we will each take time every day to express gratitude for our blessings. I hope and pray that each of us can remember why we celebrate this season, and not let the media blitz and advertising frenzy take away from our peace and joy. LET'S TAKE THIS HOLIDAY BACK! We do not have to be all things to all people, and there are other ways to express our love and gratitude than just with money or lavish gifts. Now, if I can only follow my own advice...

So You Think You're Tough

Yeah, I think I'm tough, heck, I had 2 heart surgeries this past summer, and could crack jokes right out of surgery. I drug tubes around for days after each one, feeling the pain every time I moved. I think I'm 10 foot tall and bullet-proof sometimes.

And then, I talked to my Uncle Gerald. He's 79 years old, a rancher. Works every day, no big deal. He calls to check up on me, and eventually tells me about his week. He was working cows with a couple 'kids', when a cow runs over him. He struggled to get up, had the guys get a knee brace out of his truck. His words- "I tried to use the brace, but my leg kept floppin' around, so I had the guys put a make-shift splint on it. Then we went back to work, spent hours working cows, finally finished and I went on to feed the 200 calves by the house."

After his daughter saw his leg, she made him go to the doctor the next day. No big deal, just a broken ankle and leg! The Urgent Care doctor sent him to a specialist about his knee. Well, he told him that the knee was shredded, there was no way to do surgery on it. After the Dr. heard the story, he told the office-"This guy is 79, has the body of a 50 year old, but acts like he's 30!

Quick question, wonder what it would have looked like if he'd quit working cows to go to the doctor? Wait, not gonna happen, he's a cowboy!

It's Raining!

Wow! Someone sure did a great rain dance, all of Arizona is getting rain! I've been under a food haze since Thanksgiving, I think, and the last week has just sped by. I can't think of anything else that's happened, except I've been anxiously watching the news and Weather channel, hoping that this storm wouldn't pass us by the way so many have. We haven't really had rain since mid-August. There were a couple sprinkles, but they only spattered the dust around on the car. Today is awesome- I could smell the rain in the air as I was barely coming to consciousness this morning. My mind was drifting out of sleep as my nose whiffed a... sort of freshness as the furnace kicked on. As the scent pushed its way into my brain, I realized it was rain! Then my senses took in the joy of moisture in the atmosphere, it took little time to perk up.

It is still raining, or misting, for the past 14 hours. It's such a thrill for we desert rats to have rain, moisture, whatever wet comes our way. When we lived in Colorado, there were clouds and real weather on a regular basis. The standard saying was "if you don't like the weather, just wait five minutes." It was absolutely true- I've seen it snow in the morning, change to sleet or hail, rain and clear up to beautiful skies in a matter of hours. But here, in the desert southwest, rain is a precious thing. Growing up on a ranch in Yavapai county, the standard phrase was -We can use a little more rain. Even if it had just poured!
Now that brings me to a story. We lived in Copper Basin, and Copper Creek was our neighbor. Most of the time, it was a sleepy little trickle meandering down the wash. Sometimes it wasn't even above the sand, you'd have to dig down into the sand to find water. But, let it rain a while and life changed. During the monsoons, many times we'd drive home, only to find the wash flooded completely- 40-50 feet wide. We would be stuck on the wrong side of the creek, waiting for the water to drop enough to get across. Once the water went down, we still had to deal with the drop-off it had created. The water would cut the sand down a foot or more, sometimes up to three feet. The road would just drop into the creekbed. If we were in the truck, not too troubling, but Mom drove a van, and trying to get it up the other side of the cut was pretty tough.
The first time David came out to the ranch with me, it had been raining, and Mom came trudging up the road on foot. She couldn't get the van up from the crick, and had to walk to the house for help. It was at least a mile walk, in the dark. David had an old '69 Chevy short-bed sidestep 6 cylinder. (He told me that, I didn't remember!) We drove her down to the crick, strapped on a chain between the truck and the van, and darned if he didn't pull her out of that hole! My dad didn't think it was tough enough, but we did it. Earlier that day, my brother Hap got stuck on the wrong side of the creek when it flooded- he was horseback. We went to see if we could find him, and help him, but the water was too wide and deep, so he rode to the neighbor's house to stay until it dropped enough to get back across. Gee, and they wonder why I didn't come home very often from college!

Thanks giving

I survived Thanksgiving week, it was touch and go for a while, though. I had David take me shopping on Saturday before T-day, since if I lift all the heavy stuff I'm shot for days. We bought a 20 pound turkey, a big spiral-cut ham, cases of soda pop, potatoes, on and on. David isn't used to the big shopping, he was getting irritable, but managed to make it through the ordeal. He even put most of it away when we got home!

I had planned to order the whole meal from Fry's, already made, waiting to be warmed up on the big day. Heather objected strongly- even agreed to make the whole dinner instead. I tried to get all the ingredients and stuff ready before Wednesday. Heather got here in the afternoon, just in time to see me starting to hurl. Seems I got the flu on one of my jaunts to a store the day before. Thank goodness Heather was cooking! I supervised, helping her to learn how to brine and cook the turkey, make cranberry sauce, etc. She already makes the best mashed potatoes ever, so that wasn't a problem.

There were 10 for dinner; both our Mom's, our kids, David's sister, brother and his son. It was beautifully warm, clear and sunny. I planned to have outdoor seating since it was so nice. I forgot we were feeding mostly men, who immediately grabbed their plates and went back to the football game. We typically have a casual Thanksgiving, because what's more to be grateful for than football??? Friday night Heather got sick, then David Saturday afternoon, so we spent the whole weekend running-to the bathroom, as it were.

I was determined to eat Thanksgiving this year, I was sick last year too, and really couldn't eat. I realized Wednesday evening that I had officially been sick for a full year. YUK... Anyhooo, this year I ate whatever, even some pie. I decided 2007 was a crap year, and the new one would start with a much better tone. Food! It's a glorious thing, I love to eat. Now that I had to gain a little weight back after the summer of fun and games, i.e. surgery over and over, I guess that I want food to be my friend again.

Thanksgiving is a wonderful holiday, it gives all of us a certain date to reflect on our blessings, and all the things we're grateful for. I believe that we grow the most during adversity, and this past year certainly is no different. I would not choose to be bedridden for weeks at a time, I certainly did not want to have 3 surgeries in a year, especially when 2 of them were heart surgeries. I have little patience for down time, really, and feel a certain pang of guilt if I'm not using all my time 'wisely'. And yet, there were weeks at a time that my brain was too fuzzy to read, knit or most other things I usually do. So, I spent a lot of time praying, for my family, friends, rain, sometimes for me. I watched my family change and grow because of this crisis. I have become somewhat more patient with myself, taking it slower, resting as needed. Life isn't always easy, but the refining process can make us better people, kinder, more loving. I hope this has done that for me, and for my family. 2008 will bring better health, and hopefully more rain!

Soaps

I'm watching Ugly Betty, and I'm chagrined that it's a glorified soap opera! I choose to call it a Tela Novela, though, then it's ok. I hate soap operas, so I can't watch those, but a little Spanish Novela, that's ok. I've always hated soaps, they give the most unrealistic slice of life, and there are so many people that try to emulate them after watching Days of Our Lives all week long.

When I was pregnant with Nic, my cousin went to work part-time, and I watched her child. She was hooked on a soap, the old Luke and Laura one. She had to work during that hour, and made me promise to watch it and keep her up to date. Well, I loved her, and I reluctantly agreed... then I got hooked on the darn thing! Even after I stopped babysitting, I kept watching the stupid thing, at least til they finally got married. YUK! what was I thinking???? Never again have I demeaned myself by changing my standards, so I certainly won't do it now. Thank goodness for Tela Novelas!!!

OK, I've embarrassed my Dad and Grandpa enough for a while, guess it's time to tell a couple stories on me. My daughter is getting ready to leave Arizona for New Hampshire to pursue her masters degree. We were talking yesterday about the plans she's making, for school, work, etc. She made the comment "I can't just show up out there with no place to live!" Huh... well, when I left Prescott to attend BYU, I did very well at applying, sending transcripts, etc. I was 21, and pretty impulsive, so I was very proud that I had took the time to get transferred to a university.

At the time, my folks had moved the headquarters of the ranch down to the Copper Basin area. That meant that we had no electricity, it was too far to run the lines. We had water, but barely. The pipes hadn't been buried very deep, so in the winter they froze and in the summer the little critters chewed into the PVC pipes. More than once I'd be in the shower, all lathered up, when suddenly the water stopped, just dead. Few things are more maddening than trying to wipe shampoo out of your hair, and soap off the bod. Telephones?? Not a chance! We'd drive 30 miles to find a phone usually. Course, we could go to Skull Valley (yes, that's really a town!) which was only 15 miles away, to use a phone at the service station or the store, but heck, then everybody in town knew your business.

Anyhow, it was difficult to make all the arrangements necessary to move to another state, especially when I didn't know anyone. So, I packed up my little Datsun pickup-I had a camper shell, so it held a lot. I drove the 10 hours by myself, enjoying to company and the trip. I cruised into Provo, went to the Administration building at the university, got enrolled, paid, etc. Then I walked down into the campus, wondering where I was going to stay. What! Yeah, I just never got around to getting an apartment before I drove into the city. Well, I didn't have a phone, didn't know the names of any apartments, so I figured I'd take my sleeping bag, and I could sleep in the camper if I needed to for a while.

So, I was walking through the campus, which had more students than the whole town of Prescott had citizens, and lo and behold, I saw about the only person I knew there, walking towards me! Emma was shocked to see me, she didn't know I had decided to go to school up there. Luckily for me, she was moving into an apartment that had room for one more. My thought was, if it was right for me to go there, something would work out, and it did. I figured that worked out well enough, I did the same thing a year later, just cruised into Provo, looking for apartments with a sign out. I got really lucky that time, and found a new apartment complex. I just got into line, paid my rent, they gave me a key and I went to meet my roommates. My guy friends loved that one, I had 3 California cuties as roommates that year. It was a fun place to live.

I've met a few guys that started looking for a place to live when they arrived in town, but not women... most women are more organized than that! Thank goodness my daughter has more sense than I did!

Bootlegging Grandpa

My Grandpa was a bootlegger. Not the Kentucky-born, generational whiskey maker, born to brew in the backwoods. No, in fact, his father was a stern, honest farmer. Grandpa, Edward F. Balmes, also known as Hap, was born in Minnesota, but raised in Arizona. His father, John A. Balmes, homesteaded first in Chandler, then in Phoenix, and Grandpa’s older brother Roy was an honest, quiet and hardworking farmer. Roy’s children grew up in Buckeye Arizona on a farm, and worked hard with their parents. Now Grandpa, he was the black sheep of the family, a bit of a rounder by all accounts, but friendly, outgoing and generally loved by most of his acquaintances.
Well, the Revenue agents didn’t like him much, I’m sure… he thoroughly enjoyed being a bootlegger, by all accounts, and reveled in outrunning or outmaneuvering the ‘revenuers’. A family folklore surrounded those years, that Grandpa went to prison for bootlegging. A little digging brought up the prison record, which listed the charges as ‘petty larceny’, for stealing a barrel of gas. When his daughter Shirley was asked about this, she chuckled and said, ‘Oh yeah! Dad used to laugh about that. He was delivering a barrel of whiskey in Phoenix when the law started chasing him. Realizing he would be caught, he raced into a gas station, dumped the whiskey, grabbed a barrel of gas and raced out. He was stopped shortly after, and the revenue agents mainly wanted his list of customers. Well, that list included certain judges, attorneys, even the attorney general, and he wasn’t about to give them up. Enraged by his lack of cooperation, the agents saw to it that he was sent to prison for stealing 25 gallons of gas, worth less than 5 dollars.’ He spent a year there, in 1924, for a petty offense, not a felony! Needless to say, there were many well placed politicians and professionals that deeply appreciated his discretion, and they remained his friends all of his life.
Hap met his wife when he stopped at a local Phoenix junk yard to find some truck parts. Her father owned the store, and she worked the cash register. She was a saucy, redheaded girl that stole his heart. Shortly after his release from prison, he married Marie Pike, and my father was born in 1926. They struggled to make a living, and for a while Grandpa worked on his father’s farm. He told his wife, ‘We can work there, but don’t expect to be paid for it.’ Clearly, the farming life was not to his liking, and he soon searched for other work.
Sometime after Shirley was born in 1929, Grandpa and Grandma moved to a tiny settlement in Yavapai County known as Goodwin. It was a mining settlement in the rugged Bradshaw mountains. A bad road linked it to Phoenix, which allowed Hap to mosey down to Phoenix with a load of ‘demon alcohol’. That same bad road discouraged many contacts from the outside, like the police or Internal Revenue agents.
Dad and Shirley had many happy memories of Goodwin; catching wild burros and training them for riding, roaming the hills with the few other kids, as free as birds. My dad also has stories of the families living on mining claims, eking out a living. Not all the claims had much ore in them, and Dad spoke of ‘salting’ the mines. When the mining commissioner was thought to be coming, some men, (certainly not MY Grandpa!), would use a shotgun full of ‘color’, either gold or silver, shot into the walls of a mine, to indicate the mines were indeed viable and thus the claims would continue. These people lived there with no electricity, running water, or even a nearby store. Aunt Shirley was always careful with water, claiming that anybody that had to haul water much would never waste it. My Grandma became the Post Mistress there, which brought a certain respectability to the family.
Grandpa owned a trucking business, and made some income by dismantling mining equipment, hauling it to another mining site, and then rebuilding the whole thing. My Dad remembered driving that truck to Phoenix with a load of ‘hooch’, because Grandpa figured the cops wouldn’t suspect a kid of hauling alcohol. Now those are the ties that bind, huh?! Many years later, in the 60’s, Dad and Grandpa owned a ranch in the Cordes Junction area, with Hap and Marie living there. We kids had to sleep in the basement when we visited. I still remember the bar down there, complete with a Coor’s waterfall ad. It was a nice big picture of a moving waterfall and the Coors logo. What was really unusual, I suppose, were the slot machines living down there too. I remember the penny and nickel slots mostly, because Grandpa would often give us a few coins to play with. Back then the family insisted the bar was just a hang out for friends. But- they lived far off the main road, a perfect place for a little ‘friendly gambling’. We came to realize he never really gave up his ‘wicked ways’! I know that while the bar remained, suddenly the slot machines were missing, and questions about them by a curious little girl were blithely ignored. I imagine somehow they were warned the law was getting wise to their basement enterprise, and got rid of the evidence before they got busted…. At least that’s my version of it, who knows what the reality was, because no-one ever bothered to tell us kids.
My dear Grandpa! While to some he may have been a ‘hardened criminal’, to us he was delightful. He always had candy for us, and would set all of the grandkids in his old jeep and drive slowly over the bumpy dirt road for the ½ hour drive to the nearest gas station. There he would allow us to pick out an ice cream cone or soda pop while he chatted with the owner, filled the jeep with a little gas and tell us stories all the way home. “Once upon a time and not two times, when I was a little girl” was the way he started every story, and believe me, he had lots of them!
I was 11 when he died, and I still remember the funeral. A Mormon Bishop, a Catholic Priest and a Minister all presided at the funeral, and many of his old political friends were there as well. Easily 500 people attended, from all walks of life. I saw rough looking ranchers and miners, more refined ‘church going’ people as well as the professionals from many walks of life. Grandpa had many friends, as well as many that respected and feared him. Now I’m sure there were many that would have loved to get his old bootlegging recipes, but if he shared them, it was only with his wife and son, who of course would never use them…..

Halloweening

So Halloween now starts in September, and least at the local Walmart store. Actually, there were a couple rows of Halloween stuff in the gardening section, but also Christmas junk too. Christmas!!! And they dared to move my precious gardening items out in order to start marketing the better-selling holidays. I'm disgusted!

The Halloween push is on in full now, scary movies and documentaries on TV, yards decorated with cobwebs and skeletons- it's such a lovely holiday... This makes me remenisce about my Halloweens past. We lived 5 miles from our nearest neighbors, so it was a 1/2 hour drive down a bad dirt road to the closest trick or treating. Needless to say, no one came trick-or-treating to our house! When we were young, we'd rush from house to house, all dressed up. Except, our mom was creeping down the road in the car behind us, determined to let us do Halloween, but not ready to let us out of her sight.

In high school, the most fun was to meet at the local Dairy Queen with our friends. We'd bring dozens of eggs, and joyously hurled eggs at all our friends, or anyone else throwing them. We were pretty good about not throwing at outsiders, who wouldn't appreciate it, but boy did we have fun trolling the streets of Prescott with a group of guys in the back of the truck, hundreds of eggs in tow, and trying not to get plastered ourselves. Today that would get us arrested, back then it was just good fun. However, we didn't throw at everyone, just active participants, so maybe that was the difference. We'd slide into the car wash every hour, scraping the egg off the truck, and each other. Oh yeah, wet Tshirt contest, practically. In those days no one minded me in a wet Tshirt, today they'd run screaming down the road!

My kids Halloween was a little different, but not much. We lived out of town, and only had 2 neighbors to visit. We had the old 2-story farmhouse at the top of a hill, and it was haunted, so not many trick-or-treaters came by, just the 2 neighbors. If there were more kids, I could have really made it a spooky looking place, and I bet our resident ghosts would have been happy to make it creepy! Anyhow, we'd pile the kids in the car, but when they were little, the razors in candy scare was huge, so we went to the School Halloween carnival for years, it was safer. One year, I raced home from work, threw dinner together while I was putting costumes and kids together, made them eat something 'wholesome' and tried to think of my own costume, on the run. I was still dressed for work, feeling frantic and frazzled, when it came to me... I put on mismatched heels, way too much makeup, ratted my hair up and slapped a sign on my back- FranticMom. I got some pretty funny looks from the front, and a few chuckles when they passed me.

I was so excited when we moved to town, I'd finally get to hand out candy for Halloween! The first year I bought bags of candy, had a cute mega-bowl to put it in, a few decorations on the porch, and anxiously awaited the coming hordes. I was a little nervous, because our house sits back off the street, but hopefuly the kids would come. HAH! Even with the porch light on, nobody showed up! Course, our house has a long dark, gravel driveway with no lighting. My hopes were dashed, not even the older kids had the nerve to walk down that driveway with no idea what was at the end, you can't see the house at all from the street. So, my hopes of a real Halloween are dashed again. But I sure enjoyed using up all that candy! Now, out of the Mommy phase, but no grandkids coming to trick or treat, we just hang out or go out to eat, it's just not the same as a fun Halloween, but not as frantic either. Maybe some day we'll have a house that gets trick or treaters, but David said he's not moving again, so that's just a dream, I guess. Anyway, Happy Halloween!

Good friends

I just added a link to Julie Hutchins Greer's website, www.julzhutch.com. She's an amazing artist, and one of my best friends. I've always been in awe of her talent, and now that I've figured out how to add websites to my blog I want to share her art with everyone. Plus I want to brag about her- she was chosen as an 'artist in residence' at the Grand Canyon, so she will be painting a mural there in November for several weeks. I don't know where it will be yet, other than the South rim, on a building somewhere. I'll add that information when I know more.

Weekend Warrior

I had a great weekend, sort of... We went to a wedding reception Friday night, down in Mesa. The traffic was terrible, Friday evening rush hour at its worse. It took an hour to get through Phoenix to Mesa, stop and go traffic, my worst nightmare. There was no time to eat, so we got to the party hungry, well I was anyway. I went through the buffet line twice, they had one of those cool chocolate waterfalls, with lots of goodies to dip into it, so I had to oblige, can't let good chocolate go to waste. David talked to his cousins while I sat in the only padded seat in the place- it was a lovely wicker love seat right next to the door, so everyone coming in looked at me wondering why the bride and groom weren't sitting there. I just smiled and wiped the chocolate off my face.



David came over to check on me, and one of the cousins, Norman, followed. We chatted a bit- he'd been at our wedding 30 years ago, and actually tried to talk David into running for the hills. He said he looked at us, so young, and panicked. It took him years to get the nerve to get married after that! I left them to find the bathroom, and realized I was staggering down the hall. The first thought I had was- this is an LDS wedding, I hope they don't think I'm drunk. I'd been on my feet a little too long, and with the traveling, lack of real food, I couldn't walk straight. After I came back to the reception, David said to Norman- "I've got to get her out of here, she's getting loopy". I tried to mask the problem by acting like I planned to walk sideways, but he wasn't fooled. At least we had a nice hotel for the night, and I got some sleep.



Next morning, after having breakfast with our boys and finding out my grandbaby was coming over for the day, we started for home. Now, my sister-in-law Adele was staying with us for the week, while she visited her Mom. Adele called to tell me Mom Farr had come back to our house with her for a few hours, and then she told me Jon and Trish were also coming to our house to hang out for a while. So instead of going home to relax and take a nap, I had 9 people at the house all afternoon. The great thing is we got to spend the afternoon with Dakota, whom we hadn't seen for months! Trish was well behaved and everything went well. Heather was dying for mashed potatoes, so she and Adele slapped together a lunch that included lots of mashed po. By the time everyone left I was close to delirious, but is was a fine afternoon, all told.



Sunday seemed to be dejavu- We had the Farr reunion at the house again, without the kids. I was exhausted and could barely get out of bed. By afternoon we had Mom Farr, Adele, Jon and Trish back at the house, only this time Trish brought a big pot of 15-bean soup, french bread and fresh tortillas for lunch. We had 6 dogs here too, mostly little yappy ones. So with a houseful of people and dogs, we had a busy, read crazy, weekend. It's Thursday, and I'm almost functioning again. I only stagger occassionaly, so I claim the week a total success.

Great Thoughts

I was watching a show about exploration of Jupiter, and it brings up two thoughts to me: first- We spend billions of dollars on NASA, yet don't find it necessary to care for our most vulnerable citizens, children, severely handicapped, the elderly. We are a major power in the world, and don't find a way to pay for their assistance. Not that I want the federal government to be in charge of their care, just be willing to make it a focus and provide better funding to the states.

The second thought I have is the question- are we alone? There is endless debate about this, both theological, exestential and other 'ial's' I can't think of right now. My thought is, how arrogant to think we're alone! The Great Creator, I prefer to think of him as God, was smart enough to know how contentious we are, and put the living planets far enough away from each other to keep them from destroying each other! There has been murder and war as far back in history as there are records, both written and oral histories. He knew this would happen, and protected us from each other.

Football season

We're watching football, David has it on most of the weekend from August-January. He nearly has withdrawals by July every year, it's definitely his favorite sport. I like to watch the Denver Broncos play, other than that it's mostly background noise to me. But I love my husband, and he loves football, so there it is. When we were in college, I would watch football with him and his buddies sometimes, making snide comments about the games. I thought I was funny, until they banned me from the TV room! I decided they all took the game way too seriously, but I was still uninvited. At least I've learned to curb my tongue since then, brings more peace to the household of football fans. Nic and Jared grew up watching football with David, and they still enjoy it a lot, so when they're here it's football fever all weekend. I'd much rather have football on than the fights they also like to watch- some kind of full contact, no holds barred, ninja type fighting, not just WWW wrestling fake stuff. Too much blood for me. Course, they don't care for my animal planet and HGTV stuff either, that's why we have 2 TV's, I guess.

So I've been thinking about my future- am I ever going to work again? I had a carreer, very stressful, but one I enjoyed, and it's been nearly 3 years since I had to quit working. I was determined to get my health back to the point I could work again, now I think that is an unrealistic goal. I've been a mover and shaker in the past, this is really hard to sit on the sidelines and watch. Still, I love being home full time, and having time to spend with my husband and kids. I visit my mother-in-law regularly, too- she really needs visits from the family. I believe that I'm right where I'm supposed to be, but a part of me really misses the action. I hope I can get back to at least volunteering again soon- I've worked in the Family History Center for the past 15 years, and I really miss the comeraderie and research I had there. I've been told to give the healing process 6 months minimum, but I'm already chafing at the bit to start doing something! Patience has never been a strong point for me, now it's really being tested to the max. Whine, whine, whine, I'm so lucky to be alive right now, I cannot complain about anything!

My Mom is awesome! She has been here for a full month, taking care of me, the cooking, weeding and caring for the backyard. In the mornings I'll see her outside working in the gardens, cleaning things up, watering and fussing around in general. She doesn't like housework, so that has suffered, but my yard looks great! I'm feeling well enough to clean the kitchen and sweep a bit.

I have to admit, it's pretty funny now, I am coming into the kitchen after her, cleaning up the counters and dishes. I used to be the one making messes in the kitchen, now she is, and I'm the one fussing about the mess! She told me recently that she leaves everything on the counter because otherwise she forgets what she's bought, and freely admits her memory isn't great any more. Her feet bother her a lot, as well as her knees, but she keeps on trucking. She is an amazing driver, she can park a 33 foot motorhome easily, and although slow and careful, is capable of handling great distances with aplomb. When she leaves here, she will go to Sacramento California area to be with her brother, my uncle Jerry, as he completes his earthly journey. He has terminal cancer and is slowly succombing to the disease. Mom was there for a month, in July, but when I was facing another surgery she came back here. Her summer has been spent nursing the sick, hopefully winter will bring some relief, rest and respite.

I put a picture of a hawk or falcon on the right- I wish it was a better one, but he was so cool, sitting in a tree in my back yard. He was hunting birds- I feed a lot of birds, and he was hoping for an easy meal that day. Luckily, I got a shot of him, but he didn't catch any of my little birds, at least not that day.

Lord of the Rings

Since I've so much time to sit around, I've been reading, a lot. I read 3-4 of the Tony Hillerman books, which were very good, easy to read and interesting. So now I've taken on the full Lord of the Rings trilogy.... again. OK, so I've already admitted to being a geek, and it all started with the Trilogy, back in the 70's. I was introduced to J R Tolkien in college, and love his writing style. I used to read the whole trilogy every year, for years. It's almost embarrasing to admit how often I read it! After I started having kids, I just didn't have time to be a Mom, wife, work , go to school and read all night long. Oh yeah, I can't just read a book, I have to finish it, even if that means being up all night for days on end. When a book is 1000 pages or so, it's tough to read overnight.

What else is going on? We are a convalescent home for the past 10 days. I'm recovering, and my daughter had to have surgery on Sept. 7. They removed a melanoma mole, and ended up taking a lot more tissue than originally planned. She has been on crutches, in a leg splint to her knee, for 2 weeks. Now that we've seen the wound, it's more understandable why she's been down for days, they took a pretty good chunk out of her leg. That just takes time to heal. So, we've been reminding each other to take it easy and not overdo things, which is pretty hard, frankly.

Yeah! The temperature has finally dropped below 100 degrees! It's been a long hot summer, and it actually felt chilly last night, for the first time since April, I think.

Musings

I was on Craig's list philosophy forum, and there was a question about how to redesign society. Here's my thoughts, based on years of research as a probation officer and student of human behavior. The best functioning societies, although not always the most financially successful, share some common elements. First of all the revere their elderly, and treat them with utmost respect. They also value family, and teaching their children the values of their culture. Honor and integrety are paramount, followed typically by a willingness to work for what they have, not just expect someone else to take care of their basic needs. Our country started out with these elements, but somewhere along the way we have lost most of them.

How do we 'redesign society'? How do we return to a country that has fewer people in prison and on welfare, and more productive, honest members of the community? I believe it has to start at our own level, within our own lives and hearts. How each of us lives, and the influence we spread to our families, our communities and our country. Are we willing to live with more integrity, honesty, morality? Are we willing to care for our own, whether they are aged or infant, and even sacrifice some of our own desires and dreams in order to do so?

We have become a selfish and greedy society, fascinated by the rich and famous, and many people are willing to neglect the most important people in their lives in order to live closer to those materialistic role models.

So we each have a choice, every day. I challenge each of us to live stronger, more moral lives, with great integrity. Let's put our family first, without sacrificing our own sense of self worth. That's tricky, I struggle with it still, but well worth the effort. Let us set an example, teach integrity at every opportunity. One of my favorite books was 'Developing Capable Young People', about teaching children to be responsible, capable adults. I found I used it with my clients- most of them were teenagers mentally, just in adult bodies I can only hope that some of them learned to live more responsibly, with better coping skills and more willingness to take responsibility for their own actions. And that's my story, and I'm stickin' to it...

I've been very busy trying to take it easy, in the morning I have to check my pond, feed the goldfish, look over the garden, wander around until Mom makes me go sit down again. I have butt rash from sitting so much! It's been so hot outside, yesterday was 109 on the porch, that it's easier to stay inside during the afternoon. I read Nisha's blog, takes me back. Even though my youngest kid is 24, I remember being pregnant. Some of the most amazing months for any woman, and the man that loves her. I was so jealous of my older sister, she thrived in pregnancy- no morning sickness, very little discomfort. I was sick for months, then waddled like a duck and felt like a whale the rest. But feeling a baby kick, seeing the ultrasound, knowing I was carrying a life, safely protected inside my womb- there is no way to describe that joy.

While I'm staying quiet, I've had time to organize My Documents on my computer, boy do I have a lot of junk! Recipes, knitting patterns, lots of letters I've written, and on and on. I'm telling you, I'm desperate! If I have to spend time organizing virtual information, I really have too much down time. However, the wounds on my chest haven't even healed yet, so I still have weeks to go before I can get more active than knitting, reading and of course, organizing my sad computer. I guess walking or yoga are out for now.....

Sick Summer

Did I mention I had heart surgery? No, actually, I had surgery again. I didn't have much time to plan, really.... I couldn't clean the house, just had time to get the porch plants watered, the fish fed with a weekender block, pack a little bag, fall apart at the seams. Luckily my sister was here, and when I got a call from the cardiologist that there was more fluid on my heart, and he wanted a surgeon to operate that week, I had someone here to pick up the pieces. He called Tuesday, and that afternoon the surgeon's office called, said to be at his office on Thursday and he'd do surgery on Friday!

David took me to Scottsdale Thursday, we did all the pre-op stuff that day, and went into the hospital Friday. Unfortunately, I got bumped from the 7:30 am slot to later, because some poor lady had to have bypass surgery, then they couldn't find decent veins in her legs to use. I wheeled into surgery at 4:00, which is scary, because statistics show more mistakes occur during afternoon surgery. Oh well, everything went well, although my chest looks like it's been used for target practice. I have 3 poke holes on the right, then 3 on the left that are bunched up all together. Then of course I have the vertical scars down the sternum from the July surgery. Mine still don't even come close to the size of Jared's, though, so I shouldn't complain. OK, I will just a little! Saturday and Sunday were awful, then things started getting better. David, Debbie Mom, and my friend Julie set up a watch schedule, and there was someone with me 24 hours a day through Tues. It made things so much more bearable, that's for sure. I was released on Thursday, and we stayed with David's sister Trish that night. I got the luxury ride home on Friday, my Mom brought her motor home and I got to sleep most of the way. It's nearly a 3 hour drive at times, so that made it much more bearable.

I have the hardest job now, which is to take it easy and allow my body to heal. I had a blessing that told me I'm to be patient, there's that word again... Anyhow, I have a couple knitting projects I can do, and of course my 'quiet time' will give me more time to blog. Watching the weeds grow in my garden will make being quiet much more difficult though.

The great time about August is watching the hummingbirds fight. Now there are fewer flowers for them, and the feeders are much more popular. I have one right in front of the family room window, so I can knit or surf the internet, read etc. while watching the birds. I have a huge elderberry bush nearby, so they race from it to the feeder, engage in arial combat, chatter and scream at each other, then zoom back. I bet if I looked there would be some hummingbird nests up in the elderberry, but I leave them alone. I don't like people peeping in my bedroom!

Summer Storms

Wow, what a great monsoon we've had! After the terrible drought we've had for the past 7 years, it's a bit of a shock to have cloudy days for weeks, and rain nearly every day. I know most of the US has hot, muggy summers, but we're just used to dry heat, up to 115 during the worst days. We've had clouds every day, and rain almost every day, since July 12. We desert rats hardly know what to do! I don't have a mud room, there's rarely a need. The dogs are tracking mud in, so I put rugs and mud mats in front of the doors to save the floors a bit. Since I'm not allowed to sweep or mop, something has to help me out!

The clouds have been building all day, and now it's raining hard. The thunder and lightening is very close, crackling and loud. Our poor dogs are cowering, either on our laps or under our chairs, they hate the thunder. The best thing about cloudy days in Arizona are the sunsets... as the sun drops below the Mountains, the clouds cast out the most amazing colors of orange, pink, gray and hues in between, all radiating across the sky. The sunset in the west will be orange and dark pinks, but when we look toward the east, the clouds will be radiating the most amazing color of pink- 40 miles worth across the sky it seems. Where the clouds are too dark to let the colors glow, there will be sunstreaks through the lighter spots, looking for all the world like a spolight blazing onto the ground below.

With the rain comes the weeds. It's too wet most days to mow, although David was able to push through the worst of the backyard weeds before it rained again yesterday. Now it looks more like lawn in the back instead of weeds. Thank goodness for the rain, with it raining daily, I didn't worry about my pots and vegetable garden as much. I've been in bed or in my recliner more than any place else, and I can't do anything that causes exertion. Yeah, that's the bad news, the echocardiogram done on Thurday showed more fluid around my heart, and also my lungs. At least that explains why I've been so tired and easily winded, but it sure wasn't what I was expecting to hear. Now there will be more tests, lab work, blah blah blah. I love the fact that I have a good excuse to have a messy house and yard, though. Can't blame it on laziness any more, get to use the old ticker as a reason!

Deathly Hallows

Yeah!! Last Friday I finally felt good enough to start reading the new Harry Potter book, the Deathly Hallows. I started it earlier, but too many pain meds kept me from being able to get into it. Well, that and recuperating, I'm sure. Anyhow, I started it Friday after Shawna left, and of course read most of the night... OK, actually until 2:30 am. I finished it Saturday about 1 pm. The problem with reading is that I'm a junky- if it's good enough to read, then I do so until it's finished. I cook dinner, eat, etc., but I can't really sleep until a good book is read. If it's an 700-800 page book, that's a bit of lack of sleep for me! It's a great book, and I am OK with being a geek. Now I just have to get well enough to see the latest Harry Potter movie. I'm so bummed I didn't get to see it when it came out, but they don't have movie night in the hospital :).

We are getting the most wonderful rain!!! It started raining here about the 12th of July, and has been raining almost daily since. What a blessing, we have been in a drought for the past 7 years, at least. It's supposed to rain for at least the next 10 days, I sure hope and pray it does.

Heart Trouble

No, it's not what you think, David and I are doing well together. My heart trouble is literally the ole ticker. July 10, as a result of the echocardiogram done that day, I had emergency heart surgery to drain fluid from around my heart. The surgeon drained nearly a liter of fluid that day, and the 'hose' they had in me drained another 250-300 cc's. The scary thing is, there really were no symptoms to speak of, at least not before the Ct. Scan. I'm pretty sure the allergic reaction I had to the IV dye triggered an increase in the fluids- I felt worse every day after until Tuesday when the echocardiogram was conducted. But the cardialogist that met me in the ER said that I'd had fluid in the pericardium for some time. We still don't know what started it, and may never know why there was blood in there first. Anyhow, I had surgery just a few hours after the echo, and there is no doubt that the decisive and quick actions of the technician conducting it saved my life.
The surgery went well, but somehow the other specialists involved, the internal medicine guys, decided I should be put through a bunch of abdominal tests while I was in there, I guess heart surgery isn't as important as their work. Anyhow, they put me through the wringer for nearly a week before I finally got home, 10 days after the heart surgery. I'm pretty mad at those doctors right now, but David says I can't think about it too much right now, cuz I get all stirred up. OK, raging might be a better word..... Anyhow, that will be dealt with, but I have to get well first from the heart surgery. I still have some bleeding from the wounds, but it's healing well.
The hardest thing for me is to take it easy, and not overdo things. I think I keep getting these health problems just to learn a little patience, and to pace myself better. Obviously, I dont' learn that lesson well, so I keep getting more opportunities!
Just a note- I'm grateful to be alive. I'm so grateful for my family- when I woke up from surgery, David, Heather, Nic and Jared were there. Hap & Sandy, my brother and sister-in-law, came up that evening, and my sister Debbie was here Wednesday morning. Allison had spoken to them, making arrangements to come down when I got out of the hospital if needed. My poor mom had left here Tuesday to be with her brother California, who has terminal cancer. She was so torn when she called me Wednesday, but I told her that I have all the other family here, but Jerry really needs her, she is the only one that can help him right now, since his wife is hospitalized.
So many of my friends have been here, Jenny and Laina came to see me in the hospital, Julie came up shortly after I got out. My niece Shawna came on Monday and stayed here all week, helping us in every way. It's tricky to cook for me, I have a lot of allergies to food, but she very patiently worked with me to make meals I can eat, that also taste good to David.
Everyone has been checking in on me regularly. I just want them all to know how much I love each of them, and I'm humbled by the love and compassion shown to me.

Continuing Saga...

Call me a geek, or a kid, but I don't care, I'm looking forward to the Harry Potter book, and the movie of Order of the Phoenix. I went to the first movie several years ago, and was surprised at how good it was, so I read the book. J.K. writes well, and they are clean books, something hard to find any more. I love that good triumphs over evil, but in an interesting story. So next week will be a busy one for me, I hope, reading the book, then watching the movie on an older H.P book.
Speaking of next week, I had some interesting news today, and not really in a good way. I had a CT scan yesterday, for my abdominal problems- i.e. gut pain. Ran into a little trouble there... drank the lovely 'berry smoothie', which is actually barium in chalky milk. The 1st 32 ozs. weren't too bad, I drank that at 8:00 am. Got to the hospital, went to Radiology, where they so very kindly gave me another 'berry smoothie', which I obligingly choked down. Now, I couldn't eat or drink anything else, and I'm pretty hypoglycemic, so by the last few chalky gulps I was feeling a sugar buzz, and losing focus from the lack of food and water.
The Radiologist finally came to get me, shortly after 11. He was very friendly, and explained everything he was doing beforehand. Then he inserted a 'pic' line into my arm, and have me a shot of and IV dye, to light up my blood system. I made it through the CT scan, which only took a few minutes, then as he was pulling the table back through the system he said "how ya doin?" I said 'not good', and blacked out. Turns out I'm allergic to the dye, and it took them about an hour to get me back. They kept bugging me, all I wanted to do was slip into oblivion, but thank goodness they wouldn't let me. Finally they gave me some Benadryl, after they were sure Heather could pick me up so I didn't have to drive.
Cut to today, my Dr.s office called and said that the CT scan didn't find any problems in my guts, but I have blood in the pericardium around my heart. Now that's the last thing I expected to hear! So, next week I have an echocardigraph scheduled, along with 2 Dr.s appointments. I tell, ya, I hit 50 and just fell apart physically, now what's that about?????

whatalife

Okay, well I've been busy grabbing my gut in pain, it's not the way I like to spend any time! I have a Dr. appointment tomorrow, so hopefully we'll get some answers pretty soon. I realized about Friday, after I hadn't eaten for two days, that this has been a pattern for the past 6 months. Oh yeah, the Dr.'s assured me the gall bladder surgery would solve the problem, and, what a shock, it didn't!

Other than that, I've been researching the Haines family name, and I'm pretty excited that I found William T. Haines with his parents, James and Sarah Haines. They weren't in Texas they were in Georgia... So much for his memory of where the family lived! I found them on the 1870 and 1880 census in Morgan, Hall, Georgia, so it was a pretty solid find.

I've been thinking a lot about the majority of families that homesteaded this great country. Most of them left very little written records, maybe a family bible, handed down to the oldest child often. The rest of the kids were left without the records of their heritage, such a shame! Our solid, hardworking ancestors may have lived and worked in the same place for a several generations, and yet there are rarely newspaper articles, family letters, church or other records that they existed in that time and place. Then, I realized the same thing is happening today. How many of us have our names in the paper, or write a book, leave a mark on this earth for our descendants to find?? We live 50-80 years, have children, provide charitable works, hopefully, in our communities, attend church, join organizations, attend PTA, cub scouts, boy scouts, girl scouts, anything to help our children as they grow up. But, so much of our lives are left unrecorded, unless we decide to write our history, keep a journal, do something to leave a footprint for others to find. I guess I have to work harder to keep a journal...

It's been hotter than he__ here lately, and no rain in sight. I have some beautiful flowers, though, the sunflowers are turning to seed, and the Queen Ann's Lace is proudly reaching for the sky. Some of them are 3 feet high! The carrots, cucumbers and lettuce are coming along nicely. Me and the bees have argued about what time we can each putter in the garden, and I decided to be gracious and give them plenty of time out there without me. The Arizona pine tree we planted last year has grown about five feet! I thought they were slow growing, but it has really taken off. There are strawberry plants, no berries, sadly. I have snapdragons, calla lillies, onions,garlic and a few other treasures in the same bed, and they are pretty happy there.

Knitting rocks!

This is the vest I designed and knitted for Jared, I made him model it for me before he could take it home. He wanted an argyle sweater/vest. so we created a pattern and he was able to have it fitted exactly for him. Says he loves it!

Jared's argyle vest

What price Pain?

I am the age where my nieces, and my children's friends are marrying, and bringing precious new children into this world. On the other side of my life are my elder friends and relatives, some in poor health. A most poignant weekend was spent at the Grand Canyon, where my niece Megan was married. What a joyous occasion! Two different families living states apart, are brought together to celebrate love, and a lifetime commitment made, a new family created, all with the most beautiful backdrop of the cliffs of the Grand Canyon. My dear Uncle Jerry, his wife Barbara and cousin Kathy flew out from California to attend the wedding. Although they were struggling physically, he was determined to come to the wedding to see our family. Mom brought them up in her motorhome, to make the trip a little easier, but he fell several times and had difficulty walking. I think he knew this may be his last big trip, and he loves his sister, my Mom, so much. He was able to see all 4 of Mom's kids at the wedding, and almost all of her grandchildren.

Jerry had cancer surgery several years ago, and the past year has been very difficult for him and his family. Once health problem after another with he and Barbara, leading up to learning last week that the cancer has spread, it's all over his body. Turns out he was right, and his time on this earth is now very limited. It got me thinking about how we come to earth, what we do here, and most intriguing, how and when we leave. I could see the determination in his eyes during their visit, and the comments about this may be the last time he sees the Grand Canyon, Prescott, and all of our family together again. He was saying goodbye to the places of his youth, and the people he loved. What do you say to someone when they comment -"This may be the last time I see your house" "I love Prescott, this may be the last time I can get over here." I just looked him in the eye and said 'I'm so glad you came, and can see the places you love again.

I remember as a child, Mom and Jerry took us to Disney land, it had only been open a few years. We went to the castle, and many fun places, then on to the Pirates of the Carribean. Poor Jerry! At that time he was single, no kids, and suddenly he had a little 5 year old on his lap in a boat, in the dark. I cried, no, actually wailed and bawled, all the way through the Pirates ride. He kept trying to settle me down, showing me they weren't real, but in a 5 year old mind, pirates running around, chasing women, and houses burning looked pretty darn real. I'm sure it was a very long ride for all of us, and the people behind and in front of us. But Jerry was so sweet, and just kept hugging me and comforting me. He's always been that way. My Mom is his only sister, and they are so close, they call weekly, check in on each other, provide love and support to one another. He always tells us kids how much he loves us, and how special we are in his life. I know he loves his children and grandchildren, and I am so glad he has so much love and compassion for our family too.

Yes, the price of love can be high, we have the chance to love and support each other, and then have to prepare to say goodby to loved ones. In our mortal existance, it's times like this the physical limits of these bodies are made jarringly real. Maybe the pain of losing loved ones is too high, if we kept ourselves guarded, less open to pain, it would be easier. Then we would rarely really connect with others, though, always keeping something back, protected. To me, that is too high a price to pay, not being fully involved with family and friends, never letting anyone know who you are inside, and not letting them share their lives with you. I think we really are the sum of our experiences, and the choices we make. The choice to forfeit protection for involvement has a price, but one I'm willing to pay. I am so convinced that our spirits live on, that I plan to ask Jerry to say hello to Grandma and Grandpa for me, I'm sure they will be waiting for him. My prayers and thoughts are with his family, and ours.

Great Author

I think I've found a new favorite author. I was reading Mother Earth News today, and there is an article about Terry Tempest Williams. I have to include a quote of her writing-

"The heart is the house of empathy whose door opens when we receive the pain of others. This is where bravery lives, where we find our mettle to give and receive, to love and be loved, to stand in the center of uncertainty with strength, not fear, understanding this is all there is. The heart is the path to wisdom because it dares to be vulnerable in the presence of power. Our power lies in our love of our homelands."

That left me speechless, which is tough to do... This quote was from her book, The Open Space of Democracy. I have to find it and read more. The thing I'm most impressed with is that she is a nature writer, is currently the Annie Clark Tanner Scholar in Environmental Humanities at the University of Utah. Her writing has appeared in The New Yorker, The New York Times, Orion Magazine, and numerous anthologies worldwide as a crucial voice for ecological consciousness and social change. What's more, she is also an active member of the LDS church, as am I. How refreshing! I want to be this type of person, to live life fully, with commitment, and make a difference in the world.

50 things to do before I die

Well, this was a great day! My friend Jack has a 2 seater airplane, and last week he took me flying. I'm 5'2", and I am taller than the plane! We took off from the Cottonwood airport, then flew northeast toward Sedona. I've never seen the mountains behind Sedona, it was absolutely beautiful. Unfortunately, trying to take pictures through the window at 170 miles an hour didn't work too well, but I'll add a couple to the blog later, anyhow. We flew over Sedona, then down the freeway to Montezuma Castle. Flying over the mountains Jack let me drive for a few minutes. Having a stick between my legs, trying to move it without flipping the plane on its belly was awesome and scary! It's sure not like a steering wheel...

My next goal is to fly in an Ultalight. I hoped to do that for my 50th birthday, but couldn't find one. Well, maybe this year... after all, that just fits my procrastinating attitude, no sense getting in a hurry!

Summer in the Sticks

It's 7 p.m., I'm sitting on my back porch watching the birds. There's a hummingbird just a few feet away, dipping into the feeder in front of my, the finches are chatting and squabbling on the clothesline, waiting for their turn at the snack bar. The sunflowers are getting bigger, and the little pond on my porch provides a lovely sound of flowing water.
About that pond- while David and I were gone for a few days last month, one of the lovely birds that frequent my garden committed murder. Yes, something speared the flashy little goldfish from the pond, one at a time. I think it was the black grackles that come around sometimes. I saw one perched on the edge of the pond a few days before we left, and innocently assumed it was having a little drink... murderer!!! It took 3 of my 4 goldfish, only one was able to avoid extinction.
I love my garden, I see the Butterfly bush, full of dark purple, cone shaped flowers, the honeysuckle that has overgrown the birdfeeder near it. I have a trellis on the west side of the porch with 2 large grape vines. They are full of grapes, and shade the porch area beautifully in the afternoon. There are containers of flowers and herbs all around the back porch, and roses along the edge of the concrete, blooming with complete abandon. That's what I see. Other people visiting are more likely to see the weeds taking over the edges of the yard, the cracks in the concrete, with weeds or marigolds popping up, the scattered oddball items I haven't picked up yet. But I, the eternal optimist, I only look at the flowers, the birds, pet my dogs, and live in happy oblivion to some of the messes around me!